In Gestalt therapy, we say that what remains unspoken is often just as important as what is said aloud. Silence has its own quality and carries many meanings. It is a moment when the figure — what is most essential right now — has not yet fully taken shape, while the background is already actively working.
Silence as an Inner Conversation
When we reduce external stimuli, our inner voice begins to speak. But it is not always kind. Many people hear thoughts like:
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“I should be different.”
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“I don’t know what I really need.”
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“Why do I feel the way I do?”
In silence, what we usually cover up during the year with busyness, obligations, and noise becomes visible. When we slow down, we can begin to listen.
The Gestalt approach invites us not to rush to quick interpretations in silence, but instead to gently observe:
What is appearing in my awareness right now?
How is my body responding to this moment?
What do I need right now to be in better contact with myself?
What am I experiencing?
Silence thus becomes a mirror — not to show us “the truth,” but to allow us to notice what is present, without judgment.
Between Us: What We Say When We Are Silent
Interpersonal silence is often charged. In families, partnerships, friendships, and workplaces, silence can be tender at times, and tense at others.
Within a wordless dialogue, for example, the following may occur:
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Making space:
“I want to be here with you. I’m not pushing, I’m not rushing.” -
Bringing tension into awareness:
“I don’t know how to talk about this, but I do notice you.” -
Testing boundaries:
“As long as I say nothing, I feel safe.” -
Withdrawing from contact:
“I feel threatened — don’t come closer.”
Silence is not the absence of communication; it is communication without words. Gestures, eye contact, the slowing of breath, body posture, attunement to the other — all of this is part of the dialogue.
In Gestalt therapy, we often focus on what is happening between us, not only within each of us individually. Silence is especially expressive in this respect. It reveals the rhythm of contact: approaching and withdrawing, curiosity and restraint.
When Silence Becomes a Meeting
The most beautiful moments are those when silence between us becomes a space we trust. We can rest in it for a while, being together without performance. In such silence, something paradoxical happens: it is no longer about not speaking, but about deep listening.
Often, it is precisely when we do not rely on words that intimacy arises. My breath attunes to yours. Our attention settles, for a moment, into a shared field. And that, too, is dialogue — perhaps the purest form of it.
When Silence Feels Heavy
Sometimes silence is burdened with old stories: unspoken reproaches, fears, introjects such as “if they’re silent, they must be angry with me.” Silence can then become a space for our own projections.
It helps to return to the present moment:
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What do I see?
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What do I hear?
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How do I feel right now in contact with the other person?
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What would I like to say — and what is holding me back?
Relief often comes when we allow ourselves to give silence a voice:
“I find it hard to speak right now, but I’m here.”
“I’m not sure what to say.”
“I feel tension.”
We are not escaping silence this way — we are addressing it. We give it a kind of boundary, which in itself brings relief. Diffuse, omnipresent tension contracts into something more contained and manageable, becoming easier to bear.
A Christmas Space for Gentleness
Perhaps the pre-Christmas season is an especially fitting time to explore silence as a quality of relationship, rather than as an empty space we habitually fill with unnecessary words — out of habit or fear.
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What is silence like when I am alone with myself?
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What is silence like when I am with someone who matters to me?
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What does the silence say — the silence that wants to be heard, but that I usually cover up with words?
Silence does not have to be the enemy of dialogue.
Silence is dialogue.
And sometimes, it is the truest thing that can occur between people.
If, while reading this text, you sense that exploring silence, relationships, and yourself in a safe, guided space could be supportive for you, psychotherapy with a Gestalt approach may be one of the paths to consider. Gestalt therapy offers space to slow down, to notice what is happening here and now, and to be in contact — with yourself and with others — without pressure to perform or arrive at quick solutions. If this resonates with you, feel free to make an appointment. Even a first meeting is the beginning of a dialogue in which both words and silence have their place.
Author:
Mgr. Radka Dydňanská, PhD.
Psychotherapist, INCARE Clinic
Tel.: +420 273 162 162
incare@incare.cz
